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A Shattered Skyscraper
I used to
think of the world as an exciting place where I could confidently
stretch my legs and explore the unknown. Often my best friend would
accompany me on mountain trips, city walks, or visits to other friends’
homes. Linda and I shared everything: our thoughts, our hopes, our
dreams, and our fears. We had a symbiotic relationship that allowed us
to flourish at school and in our free time. I never even contemplated a
time when we would no longer even know each other, but that time came.
Now I know that Linda’s last gift to me is the knowledge that friendship
is like a glass skyscraper—beautiful, but easily shattered.
Our
friendship did not end in betrayal or in an argument. Its cracks,
invisible in my obliviousness, simply grew over time. I was
busy—pursuing awareness of my own identity, my desire to get perfect
grades, and my fervent wish to become popular with boys.
“Are you
coming over to my house this afternoon?” Linda would ask, and I,
carelessly, would say that I had to stay after school, go somewhere
else, or be with someone else. I was taking a hammer to the cracks in
our friendship, but I never knew it. I didn’t even know there was a
problem. I was running, not walking now, through life’s experiences. I
wanted it all: a perfect academic experience, a perfect social life, and
perfect acceptance from adults and peers. I never even noticed that
Linda and I were rarely seeing or speaking to each other.
One day,
unexpectedly having free time, I decided I wanted to go to a movie.
Without thinking, I called Linda to invite her to go with me. She did
not answer her phone. I was disappointed. I did not want to be alone. I
wanted to be with someone and go do something, even if no one wanted to
see a movie. Aaargh! I hate being bored, I thought.
Needing to
get away, I got in the car and just drove around. My spirits lifted when
I saw Linda and some other girls in front of Taco Bell. Happily, I
decided to join them.
“Hey,
Linda! I just tried to call you. Do you want to go to a movie? We can
all go,” I said, turning to the other girls. I knew them, but I did not
hang out with them.
Linda
looked at me coldly, but spoke politely, “No, thanks. We’re going to go
in, eat, and hang out here. You go ahead. Have fun.”
I stared at
her face. She had not invited me to join her. She had not smiled. She
stood back from me, and I saw her there, encircled by her new friends. I
saw myself outside of that circle. “Well…” I started to invite myself to
join them, but Linda had already turned away. I was left standing alone,
wondering what had happened.
I spent my
drive back home muttering defensively angry thoughts. What was wrong
with Linda? Why had she treated me like that? How embarrassing! What did
the other girls think? Were they talking about me now? Arriving
home, I got out of the car. I was upset and angry, but I never dreamed
that my friendship with Linda was over.
As the days
passed, I waited for Linda to call me. I expected an explanation, an
apology…something. The phone did not ring. In desperation, not anger, I
finally called her. She must not have noticed the caller ID because she
answered. I don’t remember her exact words. She said she had moved on.
She said I had made it clear that our friendship was over, that I had
moved on before she had, that it had been painful… that she didn’t want
to go there again. I remember looking in disbelief at my phone when she
ended the call.
Linda had
been my friend since kindergarten. Together we had erected a skyscraper
of friendship, one that had gleamed in the sun and towered up into the
sky. That skyscraper had been built on laughter, tears, shared
experiences, and childhood innocence. Through indifference, I had
unwittingly shattered each window until all that was left was an empty
monolith accusing and convicting me of wasting one of the most precious
things in my life. I know now that friendship, like a skyscraper, must
be carefully built and maintained because both can be easily shattered
and that tears, no matter how sincerely shed, cannot repair that which
has been destroyed. |
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